Denial

My son has autism.  Actually, it's quite possible that both of my twins have autism, Sahki's is just a lot more obvious.  He hasn't been officially diagnosed yet (diagnosis is a long process) but there will not be any surprises once he is officially diagnosed.  I first became alarmed when my twins (Keiren and Sahki)  turned 2, and they still weren't talking.  They said "banana," but that was it.  I listened to well meaning relatives who told me they would talk when they got ready, and told myself that language was often delayed in twins.  I listened to people who said, "My kid didn't talk until he was three!"  I was in denial.  I also didn't understand that autism has so many complexities.  My boys love hugs and kisses.  Sahki could sit in my lap for hours.  They giggle, and absolutely love to laugh.  They don't mind other children.  That didn't sound autistic to me.  My boys were fun, they were not off in some corner by themselves, refusing to engage with others.  They didn't scream when you touched them.  They didn't line up their toys.  They didn't break down if their routine changed.  They ate different foods, and they didn't need the tags off of their clothes snipped off.  They were too fun and social to be autistic I told myself.  Boy was I ignorant and uninformed.

I told myself that they were just different, late bloomers, a bit eccentric even.  But then I began to notice other things.  I noticed that they acted very young for their age.  I know they are young, but they seem so delayed in other areas.  It really hit me when I toured some daycare centers and saw other children their age and younger who seemed a world away from my boys.  I noticed that the boys never developed pointing.  As in pointing at their juice or a toy if they wanted it and couldn't reach it.  They did lead me to things, such as grabbing my hand and pulling me to a desired destination or object.  I thought that was "smarter" than merely pointing, but I have since learned that it is very common for autistic children to lead instead of point. 

I also noticed that they didn't appear to understand most of what I said.  I knew they should understand things like, "Go get your shoes," or "Give me the ball."  Even simple everyday commands and words were lost on them.  Then I noticed that Sahki never cried when I yelled at him.  Yes, I have gotten frustrated and yelled at him when he is playing with the oven for the millionth time.  Sahki would just stare at me with a blank look on his face, or usually keep right on doing it until I dragged him away.  I thought he was just a really defiant two year old with the thickest skin in the world.  Keiren always cried when I yelled at him.

I knew Sahki had autism when I took him to his first speech evaluation.  He wouldn't respond to his name, nor would he make any eye contact with me or his therapist.  The therapist asked if she was pronouncing his name correctly, and then she asked me if he had ever been screened for autism.  I was in tears when I left because I knew that Sahki was autistic.  I didn't need the diagnosis, I could feel it.  I got home and read everything I could about autism on the Internet.  I was dumbfounded.  It seemed to describe Sahki perfectly.  Of course he didn't have every sign (nobody really has every sign, autism varies greatly in symptoms and intensity) but there were so many things he did that I didn't give much thought to.  I kept reading.

Walk on tiptoes?  Check! 
Doesn't respond to name?  Check!
Poor eye contact?  Check!
Plays with light switches, doors, fans?  Check!
Seem fascinated with movement?  Check!
No use of language or gestures?  Check!
Play with toys inappropriately?  (Like wanting to open and close the door of a car, or simply spin the wheels instead of pushing the car around)  Check!
Destructive behaviors?  (Such as head banging)  Check!
Limited or no pretend play?  Check!
Overly attached to parent?  Check!
Stares at lights?  Check!
Unusual hand movements?  Check!
Acts too young for age?  Check!
Delay in fine motor skills?  Check!

As I read more, it hit me that even some of what I thought was their normal and social behavior was abnormal.  Autistic children can have trouble with give and take when they play and when they speak.  Even with verbal autistic children, they can have trouble engaging in conversation appropriately, like failing to ask any questions or keep a conversation going.  I first noticed this with Sahki when there was a little girl in the waiting room with us while we were waiting to go back for speech therapy.  She came over and tapped him very gently and playfully on the belly.  Sahki giggled and enjoyed her tapping him.  The thing I noticed is that he never tapped her back.  I saw that she was waiting to engage in a game of "tag" of some sort, but Sahki would simply giggle and go back to what he was doing. 

After a few tags he no longer giggled and didn't seem to acknowledge her pokes.  He lost interest very quickly and never engaged in any back and forth.  While he didn't cry and he doesn't mind other children (I think having a twin brother and so many older siblings helped tremendously with his social skills), he doesn't play in a "normal" way.  Another example is if I roll a car with Sahki.  He will engage and giggle, but instead of rolling the car back he will pick up the car and bring it back to me instead of just rolling the car back to me.  His sense of turn taking or back and forth seemed odd to me.  I had just never realized it before. 

I will write more later......We've got a long road ahead of us.